Fun shark attack facts:
- In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
- For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.
- Humans are assholes.
- Sharks are not assholes.
- Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.
when you hear your mom coming home and remember all the chores you were supposed to do
look at this picture
when you see it, you cannot unsee it
it’s a woman
PAINTED TO LOOK LIKE A PARROT
it took me 5 minutes to find her
I WAS LIKE NO THAT’S NOT A WOMAN, THAT’S A PARROT
What can I get for you?
4 bottles of vodka and 2 packs of Marlboro reds
i told this girl she smelled nice today and she’s like
“sorry i’m not gay”
bitch i said you smelled nice not i want to lick your pussy
Leaf bug (Phyllium giganteum)
The constant wobbling as they move is a part of their disguise, making it seem as though the “leaf” is only moving because of a light breeze.
If you blow on one it will also shake around in the hopes of matching any actual surrounding leaves
excuse me i need your leg
The second worst burn that Two Face has ever felt.
what if i died in like twenty years and all i left my girlfriend was a box and like she gasps and reaches down to her chest where her key necklace hangs that i gave her twenty two years ago, and she uses it to unlock the box and all that is in there is a string which you can pull to reveal an embarrassing photo of spongebob at the christmas party
"Skype Love" x "Long Distance Love Affair" by Andrew Velko